Sum>Parts

(For Annie: Thanks for giving a name to this place.)

There is a spot on The Hill that holds many secrets. Girl secrets about crushes and first kisses and boy secrets probably about the same things. Promises made and promises broken. Wins and losses, shattered hearts and grieving thoughts. We carried these things with us and tried to leave them behind in The Sunny Spot.

It was in with the lined-up pine trees, on the side of The Hill that belonged to the Air Force Base. We weren't really supposed to be there. I think if our moms and dads could have seen it, they wouldn't have forbidden it anymore. One just stepped through the opening in the old chain fence and the chaos of the forest was left behind. We were no longer walking on dirt or grass. Under our sneakered feet was a mattress of pine needles, muffling every step. It was not possible to see where the field of trees stopped and the wildness of natural forest began again. The branches of the pine trees didn't grow near the ground, rather they started way up above our heads. All around were naked pine tree trunks, lines and lines of them. In perfect shade, we never had to squint or shield our eyes from the summer's hot glare. To our right, facing the golf course was a small clearing and a large rock. It was there, on that rock, where we would sit for hours. Overlooking a large drop off, two kids could easily sit next to each other on the warm rock, four feet dangling over its side.

It was quiet here, a good distance away from our homes. You couldn't see our yards or our street or cars or bikes. You couldn't hear your parents call and you could easily block out what was happening inside the walls of those houses.

It wasn't perfect. Our childhood that is. More to the contrary, our growing up was hard and we faced things most kids probably didn't have to. Three families and we each had our tragedies. Most of the time going to the Sunny Spot wasn't about fun. It wasn't a hide and seek place. It was a haven. Some folks go to church or a bar or even a cemetery for a moment of reckoning. A solace seeking child from our neighborhood usually ended up here. Under the pine trees, watching the sun go down and feeling its warmth beneath us as we sorted out what we needed to. Sometimes we had a friend there with us and sometimes we sat alone. If you ran away from home, you usually would go here. Our parents never saw this place. It was ours and we never really named it out loud. It wasn't like Manmade Pond or the Grandfather Tree. It wasn't the Ninth Hole bench or the Swamp. But when one of us went missing, we knew where to look. And usually just one would go and get our missing friend. Never really had to say too much, but just sharing the rock and the moment was enough. A quick face swipe with the bottom of your shirt was a signal that the spot had worked its magic once again. Strength tentatively restored, we would walk back towards home. Often times that meant leaving the peace and the quiet behind to face the uncontrollable truths that lie behind each of our doors. Kitchens where our mothers sat and sipped coffee together. Looking for their own peace and finding strength in each other's presence. There are sunny spots for everyone I guess. Ours just came with the most spectacular view of the sunset I've seen. Pine trees reaching toward the heavens, bearing witness to our thoughts, our dreams and our sorrows. And for our mothers, quietly stirring milk and sugar into their hot cups of coffee, kitchen tables with gently resting elbows bore witness to the decisions that had given cause to our adventure to begin with.

So, remember when I wrote this? I had a meeting yesterday that now makes me feel like this about my job.

I had this meeting from hell. It was like the job that I thought I had, the boss that I thought I had were figments of my imagination. Apparently, for the entire year my boss has been hating on me, not liking my performance, felt like I went over her head on things or took credit for the wrong things. Mind you, the ONLY feedback until Tuesday was ALL POSITIVE. She has never had a job in the real world. She's gone from high school straight through to her PhD. Sh has not a freaking clue . Unfortunately, this of course will only reflect poorly on ME. Until this moment all my reviews and performance evaluations have been pretty effing terrific. I take my job seriously. I don't work for the fun of it. I feel totally cheated and completely dejected. I cannot believe she let almost an entire year go without ever saying something to me.

And, to make matters worse, she is pulling this shit with two other staff members. I think that between the three of us there is close to forty years of experience combined. One of the women is a faculty member. Both of them are leaving. Outta there. The program actually cut their positions to part time (half the hours) and only cut the salary by $5,000. Of course, when they were told that their jobs were being cut to part time they were not given the salary information. They waited to list that until they were sure they were not going to re-apply. How fantastically shitastic is that???

I have a meeting with boss's boss tomorrow morning. I plan on letting it all loose. There is just so much to this story and I just don't want to bore you with the details but here's an analogy:

Imagine being in a partnership/marriage. Imagine that relationship being perfect: total trust, happiness, all the good stuff. Now imagine coming home from work and finding that s/he has packed up his stuff and is leaving you. That s/he is incredibly unhappy and goes on to list all your faults and things you've done or haven't done. Only the list is sounding like its describing someone you've never met. And while some of the things on the list might have happened, they were months ago and you thought they were handled and done with.

That's what happened at this meeting. And it sucks. I am officially on the job market. And that sucks even more.

Spent Memorial Day at my sister's camp in Mohawk Trail. Great, great day. Even though the snow collapsed the roof to part of her cabin, we enjoyed the sun and the food and the company.

If you laid down in the field behind my parents' house on a summer day you would hear birds chirping, a far off lawn mower and the distant whine of a dirt bike engine. You would hear the buzz of an insect and eventually the roar of an airplane coming in for a landing. Roaring so low you would wave to the pilot and almost see the sunlight glint off of his sunglasses.

If you laid there in the field, you would be surrounded by the golden hay, sweet smell of hot soil and straw. A golden cradle, holding your arms and legs just above the ground. The puffed up clouds would slide slowly across the sky. The sound of bicycles whizzing by, heading to The Hill and the forts and the golf course. Through a broken chain-link fence, where the pine trees grow in perfect lines. Too perfect for Mother Nature to have planted.

If you crossed that field behind my parents' house you knew about the Grandfather Tree. You remember standing inside its trunk, arms wound tightly around you, scared to death that the dark and the damp harbored an eight-legged danger. There at its base, you stood with your head tipped back, looking straight up at its twisted limbs and gnarled branching stretching forever outward. Reaching for whoever would come to stand in awe at its beauty, its ageless and black form.

If you stood in that field and looked over at the house, (was it blue then? gray or white?), that held seven friends and then there were six. And you listened for their voices or a reason to visit. Two doors over, three of my nearest and dearest, one was sure to come my way.

One family. We were really one family. Dinners and sleepovers. Borrowed green tents from the green house with almost no green lawn. A puddle the size of a pond at the end of that driveway... a perfect runway for any respectable dirt bike.

If you knelt in that field behind my parents' house, you buried your beloved four-legged friends where the straw stopped and the trees started. Little crosses made out of sticks, long dead flowers and chalk-written eulogies. You held your friend's hand and cried at the pain, the loss and any other thing that begged for tears.

If you sat in that field, you knew the sheer bliss of hurtling down The Hill’s main trail on a plastic, saucer sled. Spinning and screaming all the way down. Only to have to trudge all the way back up again. Ice and snow finding its way inside a carefully covered mitten’s opening, inside a tucked pants bottom. Snowmobile boots couldn't protect you from The Hill's frozen promise of runny noses and red cheeks.

If you close your eyes, we're all still there. Looking up at the sun, lying in a field behind my parents' house.

more cat pictures

"MOMMY!! MOMMY! A BUZZ! A BUZZ RIGHT THERE!"

A bee. There was a bee on the television. And Seth FREAKED out. And then laughed his head off because, as he said, "Mommy! I fool you! I'm so funny! Mommy, don't be scary of that buzz! Its on the tv! Its a buzz! Buzzzzzzzzz..... get you!"

A comedian is born.

Old me vs Now me

This was a NEWS story!!! Sweet, swirling onion rings what is this country coming to? I can't stop re-watching this!!

Seth: Mommy, do you see the moon?

Me: Yeah, its really big isn't it?

Seth: Its too heavy. I can't hold it.

Me: No buddy, you can't pick it up. Its way to big.

Seth: JP... will you share the moon with me?

~~~~

In a world of possibilities, the impossible seems so simple. To see the world as limitless, without laws of gravity or the ability to understand that when things are far away they simply appear tiny. In that world, where sharing the moon with your brother is plausible, there exists the ability to take a cloud for a walk and hold the sun in your hands. To pick a plane out of the sky and stop the ocean waves from crashing ashore.

I wish I could somehow freeze these moments and keep them forever.

Happy Mother's Day world.

We threw a party for my parents yesterday. We had a huge luau with a bunch of friends and family. It was a really wonderful day. Enjoy a few shots of the day:

The arrival...

Some of the original wedding party...
Mom feeds dad a piece of cake. Normally she wouldn't let him touch the stuff because of diabetes...
The happy couple...
My sister Lisa and a dear family friend Lisa

Clancy in his new shirt...

This is the video I made for my parents. There is music, so turn it up!

I took this picture the other day and it came out kinda nice. It makes a great desktop photo.

My parents' 50th wedding anniversary is Saturday. We started the celebrations last night at my sister Lisa's house. My brother Jim and his family flew up from Florida yesterday. I hadn't seen them in 3 years. My parents had no idea they were coming up, so these pictures are of the surprise and then to kick off the next few days of festivities we set the mood by giving them a movie we made.

My Uncle Roger and Aunty Andree gave us a bunch of old pictures to scan. Then Lisa, Kathy, my niece Lauren, Danielle and I broke into my parents' house and rifled through all their photo albums. We used their computer and scanner and I quickly downloaded as many pictures as we could onto a thumb drive. We put the house back together and split. I'll post the movie I made (its just a 3 minute photo movie I made with iMovie) later.

So, here are the pics -just click on the shot above to get to the flikr set.

That's cat speak for "This chick needs to get a life!"